Meaning (2019)
Meaning
White moon out tonight
Four and twenty eyes
Do you see me, I live upstairs
I wait forever there
Elemental and polite
my shadow, filled with fire
and time spins on, and on
but meaning is gone
the meaning is gone
so just make it up
Heart of Gold
It didn’t start this way, I can assure you
All your sweetness drained, you call to say
“I can see the future and it looks gray”
I’d never wish bad things for you
Mid-Atlantic stuck in the sprawl
I still got a heart of gold
I still got a heart
I’d never want bad things for you
Isn’t it enough just to know
I still got a heart of gold
I still got a heart
Skyline ‘cross the lake, crossing back home
on the holiday
I kept dreaming of cars crashing, now
I still wake up haunted by the sound
Between two worlds, sometimes the signal weakens
I met my evil self and beat her,
now the road depends on where I’ve been
I’d never wish bad things for you
Mid-Atlantic stuck in the sprawl
I still got a heart of gold
I still got a heart
I’d never want bad things for you
Is it enough to know the truth
I still got a heart, you know
I still got a heart
In Blue
When the light comes in: blue
to the center of my old room
in love and useless, forgotten tunes
you hate the room but love the view
Turn it off, I don’t want to hear the sound
of a century crashing to the ground
A throwaway line
please forget about the last time
come around, Mae, just try
to see the farthest reaching arm of light out in the sky
Seventeen years ago, I wrote something down
folded it up, pushed it down into the back of my mouth
I’ve died so many deaths since then
I can’t tell you the last time I stopped to rest
A throwaway line
please forget about the last time
come around, Mae, just try
to see the farthest reaching arm of light out in the sky
We stay alive, to see the planets realign a second time
Skygazing
I lost the best minds of my generation
or it’s possible that I never even knew them
Counterproductive substance and absence
no one has time to think
You may have been evil once upon a time
but who am I to say anything
This is all to say that you decide the meaning
the You I meet in dreams is really just me and
I haven’t learned a thing
Skygazing
Dragged out of the party laughing
Scraped so clean I didn’t feel it happen
Once a day the clock strikes late
I still don’t have much time to waste
on that feeling
This is all to say that you decide the meaning
The you I meet in dreams is really just me and
I haven’t learned a thing
Skygazing
Must have slept through the ending,
when I woke up everyone was gone
Learn to treat the symptoms, baby
learn to sing along
Black Hole, Son
Come and hitch a ride
Go on outside, this is an imaginary line
Burning up at night, fire-fight
Summoning the will to feel alright
every night, every night
Holding out forever
Scan the room to see
something there to save us
eventually, eventually
Some days I still feel like myself,
but today I woke up more like you
Willing it away, I close the space
Is it the more selfish thing to do,
do the words get through?
Will this be the last one?
Can you speak the last line?
Holding out forever
Scan the room to see
something there to save us
eventually, eventually
Cross it off together, some makeshift galaxy
Scrap your plans and trace it out with me
Will this be the last one?
Can you speak the last line?
Caught at the horizon, still photons of light
Flash into focus, then endless night
Oh, to be the last ones
Holding out forever
scan the room to see
the axis stands without us endlessly
Hollow days that mark our place
and it all comes down,
the last gasp of echoed sound
The last ones
The last ones
White Elephant
It’s everywhere we go now
bearing all its weight
until it slows us both down
monolith of the day
it’s everywhere
Look around, what sets this strange scene
Pieces of a world where we are nothing
Sleepwalk, find myself stuck in someone else’s dream
Interrupt and hear the cadence of the silent
sound of everything
There was a warm home inside you
where you left the shades drawn, so I wandered in
It’s everywhere I go now
through my dreams tonight
I didn’t recognize you how
I remembered from life
it took me three whole years to
look you in the eye
and even now I
Sleepwalk, watch myself from above
always running to catch up
when alone I remember the road when I could like it
calm before the time split
Mission Central Station,
drew your face from life,
from life so I could frame it
Headlights pass by, drive me out of sight
to the dark of the side where the rain comes down
and it comes down
We go further still in time
(We have met before and we will meet again)
Visitors
Light up all the dark corners now
I’m awake and overwhelmed by sound
Vision quested, learned lessons
kind of like there’s a way out of my head
Show me what is if that’s not some kind of death
Thought you’d find indestructible design
in a version of me for you
Now you watch it go at alarming intervals
do you think there’s such a place as home?
How do we define the worse it gets?
Is there still time to not happen yet?
We take a drive to the center, but the center moves again
on the way home, talk about the day we had
and that we’re bound to forget
Thought you’d find indestructible design
in a version of me for you
Now we watch it go at alarming intervals
do you think there’s such a place as home?
Thoughts that splinter, landscapes flicker,
recall only the last time
Moving forward, steady as an arrow
through lives that aren’t mine
interrupt the silence, calculate the mileage,
I think we don’t know much of anything
Visitors, always hovering
Apocalypse Whenever
I want to drive out of the city lights
We’ve got nothing left to say tonight
we are resolute and galvanized
as our dream versions together
I wake up at 4 am,
I’m out of space and time again,
I think I’ve lost the link from heart to head
have I let it go forever?
Till the soil beneath your feet
Holding out, planting seeds
And now in the distance, I can see a tiny spark
is it the end or just a change?
A comet with no name
See it coming round again
I hear your ghost notes through the stereo
when I’m alone I like to talk to you
Molecules for comfort,
all I am is what I see and what I do
I’ll listen in when the sound deserves it
everyone else has already lived and learned it
And now in the distance, I can see a tiny spark
is it the end or just a change?
A comet with no name
See it coming round again
I don’t want to stay asleep but I don’t want to know
closing the blinds, open the sky, swallow me whole
what is a life, what is a life without a home?
Is it a lie, is it a trial
Could it be so?
The Birthday Song
Melody woke me
“sorry about the moon”, the song goes
I used to love it
Words like these for sad teens
I’m more optimistic
Tonight, looked outside at the waning gibbous
Am I gonna fall asleep wondering?
Am I gonna fall asleep?
Years back in the Reagan days,
I was born on a full moon
A Tuesday night well spent
Now if I stay awake
I’ll hear the birthday song sung
like it’s the first one
in about two weeks
“Am I gonna make something that outlives me?”
Yeah, for that we better hope we both get lucky
Interstate to interstate
I found a new age
running toward some golden flame
that I can’t save
Now I watch the snow turn blue at dusk
things that we’ve forgotten bend and rust
Night it comes colossal through the blinds to me
Am I gonna fall asleep wondering?
Am I gonna fall asleep?
Plague No. 8
Locusts swarm my body
Think they sense a dream dying
Charisma mildew
Coast to coast gets rocky
An elementary lesson plan,
no pay to ease the suffering
I got older
I became my own vessel
I changed all my cells
now I can’t see so well
We used to dig such big, big holes
looking for the impossible bones
I wish I had known her
the box full to its brim
of all the ways I wanted to be seen
For me: the dead living
When I get older
will I remember saying this?
Blind Spot
If you believe it’s gold, then it’s gold
Any two-bit appraiser will tell you so
Alchemical prize for the last of the Western rush
She used to say it all the time
But years passed and now it’s mine
Erasing you was easy
once I figured it out and now
that you’re gone completely
I am the last monument standing
When you wake you will remember everything
Running slowly through a dream
half blind and screaming, screaming
where’s he off to with that gun
imagining is no fun, no fun
I should have vanished upstate
there wasn’t much to come back to anyway
nothing new, it’s always been the same
But now it just feels too late
Running faster through the scene
When you wake you will remember everything
Let’s call it off
Don’t think you want
Want what you want
Running faster through the scene
Eyes shut and screaming, screaming
till my face turns red
why do they shoot horses
when it’s just a broken leg?
Episodic (2016)
The Mirror
What a way to say fuck off. Through your teeth, pressed floral poison wreath, conducting all the shots. I can’t think about you trailing off some long highway proud and angry, heart asleep with who you’d shown to me. You haunt yourself, no other in its place. No one else got so tired of that face. You want to see ego? We know who you are now, afraid of your beloved reflection and what it may learn you. Despite the deficit you still project human sentiment, smile and nod. Validate the pathos, validate the need. A fraud is a fraud is a fraud. You haunt yourself, no other in its place. No one else got so tired of that face. You want to see ego? I’ve held it up enough.
Half-Life
Waking up in daylight, I had never felt sad. The shit I traded in for calm still out of sight and in the early morning someone brings you to the train. The last face to say goodbye is some odd stranger in the rain. You are terrified but never complain. I have lived more lives than you. Waking up in moonlight, I had never felt that the thoughts I traded in for calm, still out of mind, and in the early morning someone brings you to the train. You are terrified but you don’t complain. I have lived more lives than you Heard your secrets but I never made a sound. You ask for all of me but still you sleep on the ground. You’ve lost more since we last spoke than I ever have found.
Accessory
Can’t find the address, I need a better star. I’m coming up in a fever with shells dragging behind in the bones of my old car. To you this must sound ancient, but back then I could fight. This is an education so I hope you’ve planned to stay half the night. I used to come here by myself, will you be my accessory? I used to come here by myself, will you sit back and fall asleep? I used to come here all alone, go memorize my memories. I used to come here all alone, oh bury yourself next to me.
That one, he is a cancer and this one, she is a flame. That beacon was just a lighthouse, nothing more cause you saw it in a dream. I used to come here by myself, will you be my accessory? I used to come here by myself, will you sit back and fall asleep? I used to come here all alone, go memorize my memories. I used to come here all alone, oh bury yourself next to me.
I’m still a lonely hunter. The waves have all gone white. You left out all the good stuff from things we said that night. Don’t do well with chaos but not too good with plans. I’ve hidden it here, for you or someone else to find when all the debris lands
The Order of Things
Waning interest, won second best. Caught shit for digging up pavement. What’s it to them, it’s all low-key bets. Go make the sound you hear in your head, even if it gets you on the ground. Sign said “if you want, you’ll do it now”. On Saturday the roads looked safe, the pitch was dry along the way. What’s it to them, they all second guess. Go make the sound you hear in your head, even if it puts you in the ground. She said “if you really want you’ll do it now”. I’m tired and I want to take up space. I’m lonely and I want to see your face. In the order of things, where is my place? In the order of things, where is my? Waning interest, won second best. Caught shit for digging up pavement. What’s it to them, they all second guess. Go make the sound you hear in your head. I’m tired and I want to take up space. I’m lonely and I want to see your face. In the order of things, where is my place? In the order of things, where is my?
Widow
We gave her the room, the rest of us stood up on the roof and looked up at the moon. Be grateful, be careful, the things that you say end up speaking for you. We all know you’re going away. Give us a choice, or give us a name. Dangerous for you outside. Run on home to the south side. We’ve been on you for some time, when you look back don’t expect to see us there. “Atomic” played through the walls, stuck in sheets. The pages of history will all forget the times we couldn’t sleep, the spaces in between I feel next to me. We all know you’re going away. Give us a choice, or give us a name. Dangerous for you outside. Run on home to the south side. We’ve been on you for some time, when you look back don’t expect to see us there
Beacon
What does it mean to light a beacon when there aren’t any boats in sight? To read the words but miss the reason? Do you carry all that heavy light? Are you the only one without them? Are you the only one in disguise? Are you the only one left now? Are you the only one left now? Flotsam in the shallow water, can you walk yourself home at night or do you even still bother looking out for all those ships at night? Are you the only one without them? Are you the only one in disguise? Are you the only one left now? Are you the only one left now? Today was different ‘cause I made it so. Today was okay because I left it alone. Are you the only one left now? Am I the only one left now? I am the only one left now. I am the only one.
Over and Out
Family can haunt you even when they’ve gone to sleep. There are many people here that you’d love not to see. Warm sun piles up in corners of the shade after the storm came and settled on the holiday. Is it temporary now? Is it over and out? Now that it got you out, it’s hard to pin it down. Now that it got you out, I put you underground. Can you elect a noble pride, can you account for me? All the scavengers we sent out on that empty sea. Now we count our fortunes underneath a cedar tree. I don’t miss the medicine quite like it misses me. Is it temporary now? Is it over and out? I got you back and I put you under glass. But the road has started to pass and the days are going too fast and the brakes they won’t give out, and you feel like someone now. Said it all out loud: “over and out”. I have met you on all corners of this map we drew. I am here because you called me up.
Do You Believe Me Now
Handsome friends, I got a few. I stayed up late without sight of you. Long distance love came through the stars. I will admit, it gets hard it gets hard, it gets hard. Away now, go away now. Away now, go away now. Dig out, we’re almost free now. You’re gonna keep out, the motion just can’t be fixed on the last leg of the trip, it’s alright. Do you believe me now? It’s gone.
Out of Context
It’s called agency — write it on your arm. Fed up with the wait and see, tripped silent alarm. There is a place I know a few hours north right off the interstate. When it’s time, we’ll meet there. But I’ve got a few years left misunderstanding sentiment. Of being younger than you thought, of shaping up to shake the rot. You’d think that one little slip would take you to someone else’s dream. The way you remember his voice and the words that invented the scene. Some out of context universe, I never see you but I know it hurts, out of context, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Rachel Browne 